One of the several unwanted experiences connected with divorce is dating....don't get me wrong...I love men...I love the experience of that attraction associated with eyes meeting...wanting each other...fascinated by the not so fascinating things that we all do...two puzzle pieces coming together...it's a fit...or at least it feels that way...
No matter how many dates I go on...back when I was still throwing myself out there...each person was different...unusual...nothing like the last person who asked me out...and for the most part...none of them pointed out that there was anything different...unusual...they may have hoped that was the case...but they never brought it to my attention...
I know that I am fairly unusual in my approach to things...that seems to only help in my work...not in my intimate relationships....I don't play games...I'm very straightforward...and I know what I want and don't want...even if I try to bend or stretch myself....I can't pretend...especially with myself...I don't know if that is good or bad...and after ten years of constantly being caught up in traps and manipulation...I feel a bit too street smart and bluntly sharp...I know that's not good....
So...none of the dates have become anything...and I am lucky to make it to a second date...Actually...I think I'm probably lucky that I don't make it to the second date...it just means that I find out right away that it was not the right fit....And...even in that...things have been consistently the same for me...and I never point all of these things out to the other person...I let the chips fall as they may...
But...every once in awhile I have connected with someone and they have said immediately that they aren't like everyone else...Not oddly enough...they have done all the same things that everyone does...had the same fears...same slips...same faltering in confidence or overconfidence...any uniqueness they might have is lost in my seeing the similarities to others...Same diving in and running away...the few that have remained behind have become friends...and there were similarities in that...
In fact...even my belief that I am different...is the exact same feeling that all women have...that all men have...I am so different...my story is so unusual...no one will ever understand me...it's all the same...all the same...To go a step further...I think we are all overly dramatic...including myself...about what we feel our differences are...What makes us each unique are not the things we think are unique...it's the things that we ignore about ourselves...
The next time we weigh heavily on what we feel makes us stand out...maybe we should run through the list of feelings...shame..elation...humorous...angry...scared...and remind ourselves that the stories look and sound unique...but the moral of the story and the emotions connected to it are universal...we're just looking for someone who fits into our story...who recognizes its' similarities to their own...
If nothing else...you can be reminded of our sameness...when you sit across from someone...and they have to say they're different....
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