Moving on...

Here I am at post 102...and I can feel that I am at a crossroads...All the things that have been eating me up inside...I've been releasing them...like hot air balloons...It's been good...healing...and revealing...Each burst of anger...has led to post...which...in turn...has led to peace....I don't believe I've ever experienced that before...

Even after my meltdown this weekend...I explained...to this new man in my life...why I reacted the way I did...and I told him my fears...which wasn't as terrifying...once they were dragged from under the bed and revealed in the light of day...

So...here I am...I've trimmed the excess off my life...stopped online dating...or battering myself...I am preparing for a journey to a foreign land...and I have someone very important in my life...permanently...it appears...and next week will be the anniversary of the very beginning of all of this....

My life looks much different to me right now...than it did back then...and yet...I recognize it....I recognize what has always been underneath...struggling for air...smothered...mostly by me...I mean I can't blame anyone else for not using the tools that I help others with...can I?  Not really...I've known for a very long time that the power resided within me...I knew that...at the age of eight...sitting on my bed...next to my mother...losing her mind...and saying to myself...I will not be this...I will not be this...Somewhere along the way...I left pieces of my power with others...and along the winding road I was travelling...

I know that this sounds as if I have run out of things to say...I haven't...But I feel the need to acknowledge...that  there is a shift happening in my life....and a crossroad deserves the same attention as a crisis...So...I give it the focus due...and I also look to the horizon...only one third of this 365 day journey has passed...and there is still much to say....about new things...new thoughts....and this new love...yes...love...

And...so...moving on...