If I Give My Heart to You.....

The other day someone gingerly asked me...if I would marry again....Obviously...I had to answer truthfully...I don't know...know one is asking...But...if they did...would you...knock, knock...who's there?  I....don't...know...I think what they really wanted to ask was...are you bitter?  I wish they had asked that...because I would have said definitively...no...I'm not...I'm glad it's over...all of it...The only thing that bothers me is that I know my ex is out there breaking hearts and souls with his charm drizzled carefree...careless ways...and....yes...I do care about him...but I am not in love with him....I just wish he'd get his head on straight....but...this isn't about him...

So...my heart broke several times last year...I didn't think it was possible...each time...I was shocked...But...it appears that hearts can be broken over and over and heal with the miraculous powers of back to back movies...kettle corn and pint of coffee ice cream...or so I've heard...

I did lose weight...shape up...I'm letting my hair grow long...it's well past my shoulders...and I cry at appropriate times now...mostly when I write about painful things...when my heart hurts...but no longer in frustration...in agony...at the bottom of the apple barrel....In fact...I feel bright, shiny and somewhat new for a 44 year old woman....

I'm proud to say that I have men...in their sixties...lined up for a date....and I've gone out on some dates with never been married forty something men...we are now good friends...because they don't want a committed relationship...and...yes...I went out with a couple of much younger men...they swore I wouldn't be sorry...I was....poor guys...they tried so hard...but there is only so much "dude" a woman can handle in one sentence....What is up with Demi Moore?

Then there was my past love....who surfaced again...and I thought...Oh...this was all supposed to happen so that I would connect unfettered with him...No...he was testing the water to see if I was the one who got away....I wasn't...I was the one he sent away....heartbreak for me...didn't miss a beat for him...

So...here I am now contemplating that question I was asked...would I marry again?  Here's what I have to say...I would marry again...if I couldn't help myself...If I didn't have to ask...three years into the relationship...if that marriage proposal that he spoke about so often was ever going to happen....If my hand disappeared into his hand...because I couldn't see where he started and I stopped....

But really...marriage shouldn't matter...we should be able to look each other in the eyes and say I am married to you in my heart and with all my soul...you are my breath...don't take it away...

If I give my heart to you....