After "the divorce"...I decided that it was time to bring her out...put her on my porch for cozy seating...It rained...the cushion was soaked...I laid her in the sun to dry...the cushion faded...I still hadn't sat in her...I rarely sat on the porch with anyone...Maybe...if I put a throw over her...that would make her more inviting...It was...for leaves...snow...and dust...
I moved away from the house...that I had inhabited...with my ex spouse...dragging the chair with me...dust...leaves...and cobwebs...I piled my belongings...into a place...that needed fixing...just like me...the Papasan disappeared...under a pile of boxes...old clothes...stuff...the stuff my life had been made of...The faded...weather worn cushion...hung over the side...barely visible to the naked eye...and the smell of abandonment confused my cat so...that sitting next to her box...she mistook it for...well...her personal place...now everything had been dumped on it...the chair had been used for everything...but what she was designed for...
I chose to leave behind...the life that I had been living...to break away...to find myself...I had long thrown out the cushion of my chair...all that was left of her...were the empty curved bones...So...in an attempt...to give her a new start...I fixed her up...scraped the dirt off...painted her up...changed her look...if you will...and packed her into a vehicle...to bring her to a new place...still lying under the weight of what I could not leave behind...
Six months passed...all my grand schemes and dreams...of how she would look...with the cushion I would get her...of how she would be appreciated...finally...for her great uses and greater purpose...she still sat...no cushion...no comfort...uninviting...and empty...all the moving around...and draping of fabrics...left her untouched...a veritable pariah...in a place that had little to offer...one would think that her hollowness...would have been filled...just because she was the only one in the room...but it wasn't...
Only today...as I began fixing the eclectic mix of items...scattered through my not so new home...I pulled out some soft quilts...not beautiful...but comforting...gently used...loved...I flipped them over her...one to wrap...around the cold heart of her...and one folded to soften how she felt...to others...if someone were to connect with her...two pillows...freckled...older now...but still lovely...admirable...with the potential to be desired...
As I paced the room...restless...awake...I looked at her...surveying...what she had become...as compared to what she was...unsure...if she was worthy of use anymore...and then I went to her...and sat...curling my legs into her tentatively...at first...and then...completely...
She looked nothing as expected...and no passerby would assume...that she offered comfort...or purpose...but it was...in that moment that was no longer secure...that we felt the most comfort..the most comfort I have felt in years...maybe a lifetime...My cat...joined me...no longer confused...about the purpose...And...in the dimly lit room...settling into her...allowing myself to rest...she settled too...a soft creak...a shift...and we both found our home...
Funny...how real homes...need time...patience...weathering...and...when the time is right...a loving...
...fix and flip...
