Tomorrow is the day...the big day...I'm selling everything...selling it all...all of my stuff...crap...junk...belongings...I've been looking forward to this day for weeks...and I've been hoping to get rid of everything but a few items....I want to start over...clean out my closets...So...that's what I've been doing...in preparation for the sale of the century...
Cabinet doors have been opened...items ripped out...boxed up...areas of the house are empty...barren...stripped of pictures...clothes...rugs...furniture...and I feel like crying....Not the gut wrenching kind...the soft...silent crying that comes with closure...Only this is closure for lives I have lived that span 43 years....I am eliminating everything...so that I have room for a new life...I don't even know what that life will be...This is good...I know...and with each pounding from my headache...and the nausea that I am feeling...I am realizing that I have needed to do this for a very long time...
I know that there have always been stories attached to my belongings...I believe that while some individuals collect people...I collect things and store my connection to others within inanimate objects...So...in a sense...selling all of this is like small deaths...In all...this is harder than I thought...and it hurts...it hurts so much that I feel it physically...I should be excited and instead...I just want to go to sleep for a week...
I think we believe that when someone leaves our life or we move on from an era...that we leave behind the negative...I don't think that is completely truthful...or realistic...Tonight I understand how...when a person passes...they can leave their imprint in an object...my house is filled with imprints of individuals who are gone...I feel it in everything that is being packed up to sell...in my funeral parlor abode...
I can do this...I am doing this...this is hard...this hurts...but if I want a real...authentic life...I have no choice but to follow this path...
Purchasing the future of my choosing...means selling past lives....
No comments:
Post a Comment