Last year was filled with conundrums...I was tired of fighting...I was balancing working in multiple functions within my community and trying to be "good" wife...whatever that is....I wanted to write...I wanted to get my master's degree...I wanted to have more time with my husband...I wanted to be beautiful to him again...and I wanted my best friend to be alive again....I wanted more time with my niece...I wanted to pull all of my belongings out of storage and boxes...I wanted to live in my own home, not someone else's....I was lost....and then I lost everything....well, not everything...just what I thought I had...
Suddenly...the fighting stopped...everything came out of boxes...I was forced back into dating (which led to comments about my looks....mostly from the neck down and somewhere in the boob region...I'll let you guess) ....I was still living in a rented home...but it was mine alone...my best friend wasn't alive, but I became closer with so many women and...at the same time...found my balance within my community....I realized that "good" wife has no particular meaning....I am on my way to achieving my master's....and I'm writing....
I have found that I have been writing all of my life...that I have a voice in me that I have never used to its' full potential....that I have huge family of friends that I never realized....that I'm okay...in the night...alone....that, although I believe in being with someone else...I believe in being in love...it may never happen for me...I may do greater things without a partner...I have found that to be painful and freeing...I found that I had been clinging to the past and there was nothing there for me...
I found that the universe is keeping me from doing anything to get in my own way...somehow I pushed past a glass ceiling that I have been staring through...my whole life. Once that glass broke...I seem to be flying upwards and forwards and I can't stop it....like I wanted it so badly for so long that everything about myself broke through...this incredible explosion of energy and desire...and even as I try to reach back for what I knew before...I am on a running ahead of schedule train....the universe gives you what you ask for....
Another conundrum...I have lost and found....
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