There are moments that I think about my first blog posting...I was scared...excited...and unsure what to say. Today it felt as if I had been doing this for a very long...as if I had been writing forever...maybe I have. I thought about how I had felt heartbroken by so many things...people...moments...memories. I thought about how I had thought that I was in love...as an adult...with someone that I had loved when I was young...I thought about all the questions I have been asking....and I thought about where I am headed...physically and emotionally.
Today, I wondered what I would write about...as I usually do. And...as the day came to a close....a former client came up to me and said, "You look good...you've changed." It was exactly what I often say to those that I help. I had to wonder how long I have been a client...in need of my own help....needing to trust myself and my own advice. I wondered how long I had been broken and lost.
It's not that I suddenly don't have anything to work on or talk about...but I'm starting to see the road ahead...the bends...the curves...the trees that line it and I'm holding my head up as I walk. I'm feeling at peace with who I am...where I come from...and where I'm headed...and I want to love...I already am loving...loving people who have been there all this time...people who care about me...
Instead of placing this great burden of being my touchstone on one person....I find myself reaching out to grasp the hands of many...not out of need...but to let them know that I am here...that I care about them...that I am glad they are in my life. It's as if I suddenly see myself surrounded by something that I only dreamed of when I was a young.
I walked past the mirror on my way out of work today and I recognized myself....not who I always saw myself as....but who I always wanted to be...I'm not completely there....I've just slid out of my chrysalis and my wings are still crumbled and wet....I'm still vulnerable and new....but I am becoming....that's it...I am becoming...maybe it doesn't even need a name....
Could this be?.....
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