I believe life often flows in themes...maybe a week...maybe a month...maybe a year...of reoccurring themes...When I say that there is a theme....The past months have been the theme of...I need you...please be there for me...now I'm not going to answer your phone calls or texts...This...in turn...becomes...why did you stop contacting me????...This is a behavior that keeps surfacing in my closest relationships...and I don't comprehend it...
To me...it seems so simple...I care about you...I reach out...you tell me what is going on...what you need...and then I reciprocate...but it seems that this type of communication is difficult to come by in my life...at this time...As I try to open myself to others...to be there unconditionally...it feels that there are numerous unspoken conditions that I have to navigate...and it is only when I weary of the task...that the other person awakens to the idea that I might be slipping away...and the tables are turned on me...I find myself presented with the prospect that I have not expressed myself clearly...that I have not asked for what I needed...So...what if I was responding to what you asked for?...Why do I need to ask for you to give me the same?
At what point was it determined that I am an unlimited fountain of let me give you what you need....and don't worry about showing me some form of common courtesy? When did it become acceptable for someone to call five...ten...twenty times...and you don't need to respond?...My guess is that if situations were reversed...you might be ticked off...you might feel undervalued...taken for granted...And...just because you might have underlying motives to your behavior...doesn't mean I do too...Maybe...just maybe...I am there for you...because I'm there for you...but that doesn't mean that you now have license to indefinitely ignore that I am there...and if you do...that I don't have the right to give up...
To say that this is frustrating...is the understatement of the year...I bristle at the thought that I am shape-shifting into the replica of a doormat...I don't enjoy passive aggressive behavior...I don't do it...and I don't like receiving it...especially when it happens...and then...I'm presented with the request to ask for what I want...Well...I want you to respond when I ask a question...when I am making an effort to contact you...I don't care what the response is...but if you...whoever you is...if you want me to be there for you...respond to me...give me something to work with...don't blow me off...and then wonder why I stopped trying...Even I have an end to my rope...
So much of life is difficult...it's challenging...it's painful...and if you have someone who is reaching out to you...you can't assume they will reach out forever...while you ignore them...don't let them in...There are no excuses that are good enough...there are no reasons for behavior that includes unlimited ignoring of another person...nothing gets better...nothing becomes clearer...nothing brings you closer than opening your mouth and saying...can I have a bit of time?...or...I don't know what to say...I'll call you when I do...It seems to me that this would bridge all troubles...would bind souls...would bring hands together...And...yet...this is so lacking in our human connection...
Can someone answer???...Why is this so difficult...???
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