Have My Cake...and Eat Yours Too...

I want to believe that I am not a selfish person...I work daily to help others...If my neighbor needs something...I'll help...I don't stop and stare...while others struggle with the lawnmower...Hello...to the old guy walking with his downtrodden elderly wife...who stopped at the fence and stared at my boobs...Lord knows...your staring at my tits helped a lot...especially the third time you stopped to ogle...I hope your poor wife smothers you with a pillow tonight....

As I was saying...I care about others...but...I've noticed that the farther I move away from this past year...and the more that I sell off my belongings...yes...the house becomes more empty each day...the more that I think about what I want...what I need...

I speak up more...won't take a tongue lashing sitting down...pro-actively email a list of issues to attendees of a meeting that I know is a reprimand...so...instead it becomes a "I need your help to fix these problems"....I don't apologize as much...I'm tired of it...been doing it all my life...I'm sorry you hit me...I'm sorry you hate me...I'm sorry you don't know who you are...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...Here's one more...I'm sorry that I'm not sorry anymore...

I probably have a bit more edge to my persona...Sometimes I'm just quiet...because...I want to be...I really don't need to entertain everyone...like I have most of my life...you'd think I was a clown at the circus...No...I'm not bitter...I didn't get dumped...and I'm feeling sorry for myself...I just feel as though...I deserve to feel whatever I'm feeling...it's pretty simple...

I'm promoting myself...speaking up when I want to do something...I'm finally doing what I encourage my clients to do...every day...In fact...it's one of the reasons I switched to posting every other day...If there's nothing to say...there's nothing to say...I mean...nobody really cares if I cleaned my tub today...or mowed the lawn and blew dandelion seeds to my neighbor's house...obviously the old man cared about my breasts...but I'm not going to write about them...what would I say?...Boobs...the end...

I guess...I'm suggesting that you try it...do what you want for a day...then when the shock settles...do it again...When someone says "who would like..."...raise your hand...effe it...who cares if your good at it or not?...who cares what other people think?...who cares if there are dandelions?...what did they used to do...go over the next hovel or castle and complain that the dandelions were encroaching on their plot of land?...I bet 50 bucks they'll be growing on your grave...good luck getting up and spraying them...call me...let me know how that works for you...

This isn't what you are thinking...it's not anger...it's just...why worry about it?...My neighbor bought an ugly couch...who cares?...They love it...great...I just sold mine...cool...I have braces...yay...These are little things...but my dreams...which are now my goals...are huge...bigger than this town...bigger than this state...and I can listen to the same J Lo song over and over until my ears bleed...I mean let's be honest...

I want to have my cake...and eat yours too...