Blind Faith...

I have a refurbished antique radio cabinet in my bedroom....and on top of it is the statuette of a famous sculpture...Eros and Psyche...When I was a child...I read all the mythologies...and the one that crept into my soul was their story...

Eros...the son of Aphrodite...fell in love with Psyche...a king's daughter...He couldn't let her know who he was...so he sent a messenger to ask for Psyche's hand...the family agreed...and off she went...to meet her lover...sight unseen...He came to her each night...in the dark...and made love to her...and...although she can't see him...she feels that he is beautiful...

Of course...after friends and family tell her this is weird...and he couldn't possibly be this wonderful man who cares for...because she can't see him...and they can't see him...she lights a candle in the bed chamber...after he is asleep...And...yes...he is beauty...and love's perfection...He awakes and cries because she did not believe him...and they are forever separated...because she could not believe in something she could not see with her own eyes....

I have always striven to believe without seeing...and...as any client I have worked with can tell you...I can believe for other people...I can lead them to the fountain of dreams...where they can drink in whatever they desire...As for myself...I struggle daily...with my inability to believe in others...namely those closest to me...and so...I am quicker to believe the negative...than I am...to believe the positive...

I am Psyche...I often disbelieve so much...that I will drive a person to do the very thing I am afraid of...I am quite sure that I have lost much...for this reason...And now...I am in an unexpected relationship...and I have a choice...I can believe that because there is great distance between us...it will not work...that he has created this distance...Or I can choose to believe that even in the dark of night...he is with me...That his desire is mine...And that sometimes...things do work out...People do fall in love...and were meant to be together...

And then...maybe it's not the other person that I don't believe...Maybe...I don't believe I deserve to have someone be true to me...Maybe...I don't believe that I deserve the love of another...Maybe...I don't really know what it feels like to be loved...truly loved...deeply loved...and when it is offered...I am often blind to it...I wonder what it would be like to believe...to my core....that a person is there for me...that they see me as I am...I don't know what that would look like...but maybe it's time...

...for blind faith...