Relationships are the greatest force in life...Relationships with friends...family...lovers...and with ourselves...When I say greatest force...I mean it in the sense that to all things there is a positive....and a negative...Sometimes...you can be positive that the terms of the relationship will last forever...and the response you receive from the other party is negative...Marriages can end...Friendships fall apart...Family can turn their back on you...and you can betray yourself...in ways that no other can...
When I was young...I believed I had the power to do great things...I believed that...if I opened my mouth and spoke...or if I wrote words on paper...it would come to pass...that I had the power to bring thoughts to life...and that others would be drawn to me...because of this power....During the past decade...I have seen dreams...relationships and my beliefs...turn to ash...and my reflection has been one covered in soot...In effect...my injuries were of the 3rd degree...and the end of last year...found me tired and scorched....to the bone...I felt that my entire life had gone up in smoke...Sometimes it feels like that when you stand too close to the fire...
The funny thing about flames...they have a life of their own...and they respond to the elements...form a connection...dance the dance...romance the entity that it touches...and although these flames have the power to destroy...they also cleanse and purify...The strongest..and longest lasting fires...begin slowly...gaining in strength...and become a force to reckon with...whereas...a flash fire...can burn itself out...as quick as it began...
I believe that all of my relationships...until last year...have been these flash fires...intense...powerful...and burning so brightly and fiercely...that they could not maintain enough oxygen to live...they ate everything...and so they extinguished themselves...And now...that I have been stripped of my dreams of the past...and the charred remains have blown away in the wind...I stand...naked and new...and everything is a possibility...because I'm not just starting over...I'm starting...The new skin of my future is fresh and clean...and...at my feet are the glowing embers of the new path I am on...and only slight curls of smoke rise...instead of the billowing...blinding smoke of before...
I think I might be on fire...but I'm not sure...I can only feel the heat..beginning to rise...and I am being romanced by tiny flames of new ideas...and tiny flames lick at the picture of my future...I've been set on fire before...but now I believe the relationship that I am developing with myself...is me standing in the birth of a blaze...
Somehow...this time it feels warm and welcoming...this is a fire of my making...and I choose not to rush to build it into a bonfire...I choose to keep the temperature comfortable...so that others can stand there with me...I am not running from it or to it...I am just standing still...and letting the ashes fall as they may...And...as I wait for the pyre to grow higher...around me...I have to say...
Let it burn...
No comments:
Post a Comment