Re-evaluating My "I Deserve..."

Several years ago, I was out with a friend, committing retail therapy, as we were both "junkies", and addicts like to hang with other addicts, and as she paid for her $150 jeans on a credit card that was almost maxed, she turned to me and said, "I deserve these jeans."  The next day she contacted me, crying, because she had no money to pay the bill... minimum payment only.  In my mind, I "tsk, tsked" and offered what support I could muster, while being thankful that I didn't suffer from the "I deserve..."  Wow...do I get extra penalties in 2012 for lying to myself, in the past?

As I lay in bed yesterday, staring at the ceiling (I pretty much did that the entire day), I wondered what I did deserve.  Had I been a bad person and karma was punishing me for bad behavior?  Had I treated others unkind and ruined things for them...therefore, I deserved the same?  Did I deserve to get out of bed? Or, did I, in fact, deserve to lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling, until an Emergency Response Team arrived to chip me off my sheets and change my bedding, while scrubbing me down with a hose and brush.  I was paralyzed by this question...all day.

Maybe, I needed to lie still for a long time and think about this, because I awoke this morning with renewed vigor and my epiphany....

I deserve to be free to make positive decisions in my life....if that means that divorce has to happen for me to receive the chance to be my best, then it means that I was not my best with that other person.

I deserve to weigh what I want...what I want is to be healthfully at the weight that I was happiest...thus, the ten pounds lighter....which leads to...

I deserve to exercise....it makes me feel good...I sleep better....have less mood swings, and I can splurge without worrying....which leads to...

I deserve to splurge without damaging myself financially, health-wise, emotionally or physically.

I deserve to say "no" to things that I don't want to do...skiing, hiking and "roughing it" camping...to name a few.

I deserve to say "yes" to things that I do want to do.

I deserve the consequences that come with both "yes" and "no."

I deserve to take huge risks...and I deserve to have huge falls.

I deserve my passport, because I deserve to travel to my dream locations.

I deserve my loving pets, who laid on top of me all day yesterday, as I felt sorry for myself, because I love them as much as they love me....which leads to...

I deserve to be loved, because I have great capacity to love others, and care for their well being.....and....

I deserve to let go of the past, because there is a brilliant future that awaits me...with a loving partner, many friends, travel to far away locations, amazing sex, spooning, my warm, loving cats.....and clean sheets.

What do you deserve?........