I'm not sure if it was the day or the fact that I had to explain to multiple people why my last name had changed and answer the question...why did he leave? I believe it would have been easier if I had been allowed to do an interpretive dance to explain...exactly...why he walked out the door. Hell if I know...what am I supposed to say?...If I gave a reason...I'd be making it up....
For half the day, I had a client who couldn't stop talking....while my head pounded...and I found myself constantly wondering why I had been contacted by someone this week (a guy)...I responded and I haven't heard from him since. In case you are wondering...my response was "it's great to hear from you"...how dare I?...how could I say something so inappropriate?...I obviously should have kept my mouth shut....
During a fit of silent boredom, I signed on to a free dating site...it was the laundry or a new dating site...I should have chosen laundry. This morning I had 36 new pictures sent to me...seriously...they all looked like serial killers...seriously...I was speechless. Half of them were close to twenty years older than me (I'm in my forties..you do the math) and one was...I'm pretty sure...Santa Claus....I don't know where Mrs. Claus was when he was emailing me...but she must have been with a couple of the elves...uh...talking with them. The prize winner was the guy from Greece who sent me a picture with a gal swimming behind him....I responded....and I'm pretty sure it was her email address...unless his name is Susanna...I didn't even know what to say....but I bet she's saying a lot right now....
Even after I got home from work...I didn't know what to write in my blog tonight. No one was really talking online and my cats barely had two meows for me. It's not that I'm depressed or down...I think I'm past that...I'm not even sure that I'm introspective today...I think I just feel wordless...and when I stop talking I have these riddles swirling in my brain...and they're driving me crazy...because I can't answer them....I can't sway anything with my words...it's like I'm talking gibberish and the universe is holding all of my cards....
All of these things are happening around me and I seem to have no say in it....at least for now....I'm thankful to be past the period of damage control...but I would like to have the opportunity to voice requests for my new life. Maybe...that's where the problem lies...I don't have any answers yet...just band aids...maybe the universe is saving me from requesting idiotic things and sending myself into ruin...maybe my choices...right now...would share an odd parallel with Rainman...maybe I'm an idiot savant...minus the savant part....maybe just for this moment in time...but...maybe...truthfully...all I can come up with for my list of what I want is to grow my hair long...
Maybe what I'm struggling for right now is direction and that doesn't need talking to happen....maybe I do too much of that on a daily basis for the people I help and I wouldn't listen to my own words anyway....What can I say? Maybe...just maybe....it's a blessing that I'm at a loss for words....
Imagine walking up to the counter at the local fast-food restaurant and asking if they had your order ready. "What order?" the counterperson would ask. "Did you phone one in?" "No, but I thought you might have something for me behind the counter anyway."
ReplyDeleteIt's absurd, you might say. How could I expect them to have food ready for me when I haven't yet placed my order?
Exactly. And how can you expect the magic of the universe to start bringing you the things and experiences that you want for your life if you haven't named them yet?
Have you placed an order yet? Maybe you thought about it in the beginning, but put it off until you had more time to think about it. And every day, you wake up and stand at the counter of life asking, "What do you have for me?"
If you haven't asked for anything, you may have to settle for whatever life hands your way. Why not take the time to ask? You don't have to be too specific, just ask for what you want. Want adventure? Put it on your list. Want love? Write it down. There is no guarantee that you'll get everything you request. Life may have other plans for you. But you'll never know whether you can get what you want unless you know what that is, and ask for it first.
~ God, help me have the courage to bring the desires of my heart to my conscious mind, and to you.
I absolutely believe in what you are speaking of...I'm just not there yet. What I'm talking about is that period of time that most of us skip over...when we don't know what we want. It is an extremely awkward time and if we rush past it, to avoid the uncomfortable, then we run the risk of asking for things that...aren't exactly...what we want. The fact that I'm not comfortable with this stage doesn't make it less important...instead it's most important. When I start to know what I want, you can be sure that what you shared is what I'll be doing...I will probably re-post this when I get there... ;) Thanks, Nichole!
Delete