Worried.....

A bit worried today...walked past my mirror, on the way out the door to work and found that my attire bore a very close resemblance to Joe Pesci in Goodfellas....not even Johnny Cash....Joe Pesci.  There was a bit of concern at work that I might be selling cigarettes out of the trunk of my car and my supervisor asked if I sold furs that fell off the truck "by accident".  All of this came after I found myself logging back into a dating site (that starts with the letter M) just because I couldn't stand the silence of my phone.

In return, I received five messages, from five different guys who are, oddly enough "widows" and can't spell.  The message that really reached out to me was "i lik too be intamit at nite by fire."  (This is an actual quote from a message...seriously)  I am considering contacting him, because he may have that certain "Quest for Fire" quality that I am looking for in a man....and, he might be too stupid to run away....or entertained by a lit match....

I think I'm hurting today...I mean that's where I'm at...and, I'm terrified that I might be able to accomplish everything I want in life except a relationship.  I'm rapidly erasing every aspect of my former life, my name and relationship, and I'm wondering....will I disappear too?  Will I recognize myself in the mirror?  Or, am I just "bustin' my own balls" about leaving behind a failed relationship, with someone that I never really knew but could spell....

Thank God!  I just got a buzz message on my phone.....