I remember facilitating group after group and it always seemed that each conversation always led naturally to the next topic. Last night, I admitted something that I have never admitted before, and it was...freeing. Then I read the post again this morning, afraid that it was filled with misspellings and inane comments; instead, I found myself stuck on what I said about buying thrift items every time I hurt....you know, thrift items actually start to add up, if you are in pain all the time. I have a lot of cool stuff and I am flat broke.
I'd like to blame my financial situation completely on my ex walking out as if we had been dating for a year in high school and all we had exchanged were letter jackets and class rings; but, it's not completely his fault. In fact, one of the great things we enjoyed together was second hand shopping, which we did to such excess that there is a 20 x 20 foot building filled to the rafters that he owns and I'm bursting at the seams in a three bedroom house with only me and two small cats. We both were addicted to finding treasures to fill the void and squash the pain. I have all of these "things" and they all represent a painful moment...I'm living in "House of Pain," and it is not a show that anyone wants to watch.
So, here it is Christmas, what used to be my favorite holiday and I'm emotionally laying under a pile of stuff that represents every slight, insult, eye roll, heavy sigh, lie, sarcasm and blank stare that I received in my marriage. It just looks like a lamp, end table, painting, nick knack, stack of books, record albums, but I can't afford to buy presents for people I care about.....
I just went through one divorce...it looks like I'm going to have to go through another. This one will just have an auctioneer involved that isn't related to my husband.....
Maybe I should invite my ex to the auction....I hear he's not that happy these days....
It’s gets difficult to read blog after blog when each one adds insult to injury. I don’t understand why you continue to tear yourself down, along with others who were probably trying to help you. It’s hard to understand your blogs when I don’t understand your motives. At first it was recovery from a “broken year” yet there is a slightest hint of vengeance for this ex. A recovery should not involve the breaking and dismantling of others, the mature action would be to realize that yes you had a bad year, but that you can’t change anyone but yourself and maybe that’s for the better. I think the best course of action in your scenario would be to analyze yourself and gain a full understanding of who you are and who you want to be. A simple glance in the mirror will fix nothing but will only provide an excuse to complain about your current situation and your current character. It may be in your best interest to sit down with that reflection and turn it into a beautiful, confident, and strong woman that I’m sure you’re hiding deep down. Get out of the “insult to injury” and move on to the confident boosting, strong, independent and mature adult that is constantly trying to improve for the better of themselves and for those around them.
ReplyDeleteWell, you are reading blog five of what will turn into 365 days..so, what you are asking for is really what you will get...I'm just starting and it isn't realistic to assume that the start and the finish are extremely close together....maybe, you need to examine what hurt you have left in you...because, that's what I am hearing in your response...but, keep responding...I think that's good...I'm analyzing me...and maybe, you have some things to get off your chest that have nothing to do with my blog...keep at it...thanks for the post.
ReplyDeleteI think you are incredibly brave for what you are doing. Not many people are as real as you.... This is part of the process... Being real with yourself and not only to you but to everyone else. Keep blogging because I myself as a woman find it very inspiring!!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for that....I think my thoughts are universal...they are just coming from a woman, but men feel them too....I know because I've talked with several before and since I started this blog...you are an inspiration!
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