Isn't is funny...how just verbalizing something can cause a butterfly effect in the universe? Take the Titanic...for instance...perfect in every way...a ship to end all ships...even Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On...could not embody the beauty of this steam liner...and all it took was one braggart to sink it...Most say it was the iceberg that brought about it's demise...Others might say it was the foolhardy choices of a few individuals...I say it was one sentence...
I know this sounds superstitious...but I don't think so...my experience has taught me that clearing your mind...focus of thought...and verbalizing a thought or desire can cause it to happen...Just look at how many people bought The Secret...I mean basically the book is a bunch of words that equal one sentence...you can bring something to you by asking for it...
This...of course...opens a can of worms...it can be good or bad....energy is energy...and we have the ability to attract both...But here's what scares me...sometimes I feel that my energy inspires...or better yet incites...in others...desires that make their world fall apart...the world that they know...whether it is good or bad...
Not that long ago...I asked someone...who clearly did not like me...what their thoughts about me were...they replied...after an eye roll...that "there is no doubt that your enthusiasm is infectious..." My ex told me that most people often think outside the box...and that I live outside the box...and then he left...
So...what am I supposed to do? Stop reaching for more...Stop saying out loud what I want?...Stop desiring and dreaming?...Oddly enough...the only one that seems to get hurt is me...I don't hurt other people with my dreams...my goals...my faith...but I sure do find myself alone...I mean I have good friends...people who care about me...even to the point of looking out for me...and I am blessed...
But late at night...when the lights are out...and the moon is shining it's light through my bedroom window...I lay alone...and I have for a long time...maybe I have my entire life...I have to watch reruns of Medium to get my fill of a happy marriage...or look at pictures on other people's Facebook...or have Sunday lunch with my happy couple friends...and I don't begrudge them that happiness...but I want it too...and I am terribly afraid that I am too much for anyone to survive...
I could be cursed like the Titanic...but I just can't help that I want to fight against that...sure I'm afraid that there is truth to my lament...but I don't take anything sitting down...I never give up...and it is physically and emotionally impossible for me to stop believing...Maybe I'm just looking for justice...Maybe I'm just looking for the Holy Grail...Maybe I'm just a stubborn ass...I guess I don't care...I didn't take TaeBo aerobics for three years to get beat up in a back alley...by the fates...So...I'm putting up my dukes...I'm moving my feet...keeping my body moving...C'mon Universe...put 'em up...
Not even God can sink this ship...
Go for it Mickie! Don't be swayed from the course you have set for yourself. We are, alas, ultimately all alone and I suppose we should just learn to accept it and when it isn't like that for a while or even a long time, we should just rejoice in it but realistically. For it too shall pass.
ReplyDeleteOh my..time to go home and work in my yard!
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I never cease to love your wisdom and your insight...and quite frankly...you as a person...we need to do dinner soon :)
DeleteYou have had more dates, more friends, more husbands, than most people I know...and yet you say you are alone.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't want something to be true, then stop saying it is. It is no more your fate to be alone than it is your fate to have purple hair. Because you say it, that is what you see in your life. Nothing more, nothing less.
Nobody is trying to hold you down. You are going for that brass ring; nothing wrong with that. Just remember to enjoy the ride while you're at it.
I think sometimes we confuse quantity with quality...My first husband beat me...my second cheated on me...and dates...actually...can feel very lonely...based on today's dating climate...and feeling alone is not a crime...I have no family...I can't have children...In some ways...I have no choice but to reach for the brass ring...as you call it...there's no shame in that either...Never you fear...I am enjoying the ride...but there are moments...on this ride...that cross the fine line from excitement to fear...Everyone has their own list of desires...Just as I desire to pull the brass ring...I also desire to fall into bed with just one person...who puts there arms around me on the good days...as well as the bad...
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