I am behind...I'm not a behind...I'm running behind...I could give you lists of things that I should be accomplishing every moment...but who cares...I mean really...I care because all of this applies to me...but it's a bit pointless to bore you with the details of packing my plastic tubs and taking teacher exams...It's my reality...but I don't have to force it on you...I'd like you to keep reading...
But...it did occur to me...that nothing would be much different in my life if I went any faster...I could stay up all night...study every moment...have an acid stomach...wait a minute...I have that...I could worry about everything...make myself sick...I could tear my hair out...figuratively...and call everyone up and complain...but there would still be 24 hours in a day...I would still have to leave on June 3rd...geez...and I would still have too many expenses versus money in my account...It's really quite simple...It is what it is...and that's okay...
This is that moment when one decides..if they are going to enjoy the rollercoaster ride...or complain that it's dangerous and that they are going to die...I mean...you paid the carny...you sat in the seat...and buckled up...while grinning like a jack o' lantern at your friend on the ground...How can you really complain?...Really...And...didn't you really want to ride the ride?...Didn't you ask your whole life...for the opportunity to reach the highest heights...and plunge into space...with complete abandon...Here it is...
If I choose to run as fast as I can...I might miss something...I might trip...No one is going to be impressed...and I won't see...anything...anyone...I won't enjoy the moments...and they will be gone...and I won't get them back...There won't be a do-over...Sometimes you have the luxury of retracing your steps...But...truthfully...I may never pass this way again...
Yesterday...as I was pulled over...for speeding...I started to feel my mind spin out of control...and then...I stopped...On one side of my car...was a polite policewoman...fresh faced and kind...and at my passenger side...stood her significant other...a Lieutenant...who knew me from the jail...and the work I do...To the untrained eye...it looked like a drug bust...But as I was asked about my future plans...and told the disappointment everyone would feel by my leaving...I realized I was busted...busted for not appreciating that I was leaving a footprint...in a community...that has become my home...that I will miss...that I consider returning to...This was a moment to remember...Ticket or no ticket...I mattered...and so do they...those that I could easily run by...
So...I guess what I'm saying is...if it matters...you shouldn't have to race...Bludgeoning everyone around you with your big moment...it means nothing if you have to kick them in the jimmy to accomplish your goals...I have to think...if those moments become your last...how much of you would be looking forward...and how much would be looking back...at the faces...the ones you missed...while you were racing by...
Faster than a speeding bullet...
No comments:
Post a Comment