Slight Chance of Showers...

So...I'm here...in Cleveland, Mississippi...and I arrived last night...It was pouring...I don't mean drizzle...I don't mean intermittent...I mean coming down like cats and dogs...I'm talking about driving through potential wakes...I'm talking about rain that exemplified my past week...

As I steered my car through the town...after dark...I wondered if Noah had experienced life quite the same way...Did he race around...trying to pack up...paying last minute bills...and attempting to sell his log treadmill...at the last minute?...Probably...Did he start by packing the ark neatly...with forethought and planning...and then shove the last two Zebras on top of the rest of the animals...in a last minute ditch effort...to not leave them behind?  Probably...Did he pack random food improperly...and then leave it in the hot sun...after the rain?  I pretty sure he did...

I'm quite positive that after the heavy rains stopped...both Noah and I made the wise choice...to sleep in a local hotel...and set out the next morning...Now...I'm wondering if Noah got lost in the one square mile from the...hotel/hut?   Would he have had to stop at...five...count them...five different places...until he found the large university campus...where he was to register...?  Hmmm...tough one...

Now...when Noah...hit dry land...did he discover that his name was listed incorrectly...everywhere?...This is where Noah and I...are clearly on different arks...He never had to take someone else's name...and then give it back...and then change all documentation...every minute of every day...And...so it was...for me...not Noah...today...My married last name was on all documentation...and in a 15 minute span...I had to tell 15 people that my name was Sjoberg...but not Sjoberg...and that I had divorced...so my name was different now...Sjoberg...that's S-J-O-B-E-R-G...Sjoberg...that's S-J-O...

I could feel it...in the back of my eyes...

Only the day before...while moving through the pouring rain...I had received a message from someone...a man...telling me that I was lacking...that I was lost...that I needed a man to guide me...that I was too headstrong...and that if I kept it up...no man would ever want me...and I would remain lost...and adrift...

Today...I repeated over and over...I'm divorced...my last name isn't Sjoberg anymore...All the twenty something faces...looked at me in confusion and bewilderment...They only had dreams of marrying Mr. Right or Ms. Right...and when they married...there would be the two of them on the ark...forever...

As I walked to the next building...to have my ID completed...I felt it again...in the back of my eyes...

I felt lost...adrift...and that I was lacking...I felt old...out of place...alone...surrounded by a multitude of faces...eager for life...untouched by the pain of being left...discarded...disposed of...and labeled...I was that lone llama...whose mate couldn't be found...who sat in a makeshift cage...bedded down alone...who would eventually wander alone...in a strange new territory...once landed...and watch others walk away two by two....

And then it came....after months of preparation...selling everything...dragging myself through the days...and pushing myself to do...just one thing more...to drive one mile more...even in the rain...the surge hit...in the bright sun...a tidal wave...of tears...and I sat in the middle of the campus...and cried...I believe since the day he walked out...it was in the forecast...Everyone said it would happen....They were calling...

For a slight chance of showers....