Everything is a choice...I know that...There is a fine line between excitement and fear...I know that too...I also know that there is nothing that makes you feel old more than a young person asking you old people questions...except a lot of people...in your age bracket...calling themselves old...and including you...I don't like it...
Fact...I'm 44 years old...and I lost my husband to a twenty something...who isn't even with him anymore...Fact...I'm in that age bracket...where my choices are young men...who tell me I'm a cougar...whatever that is...or...men who are twenty years older...who want to feel young...with a younger woman...Either way...I feel used...I don't like it...
Yesterday...I was asked if one of my new cohorts was my daughter...It was funny...and...it was heartbreaking...I could be her mother...I'd be a cool mom...but I'm not a mom...I'm a single woman...who struggles...periodically...to not feel displaced...I don't like it...
This morning...at breakfast...I sat with some ladies...who are within a decade of my age...and suggested that we come up with a club name for our...well...team...How about Old People group?...How about Old this?...Old that?...By the time we were finished...I did feel old...and tired...tired of being considered in that category...I don't like it...
I don't feel old...I don't look old...well...I guess I do sometimes?...I have no idea...I actually can't decide if I am lying to myself...or if all people feel like this...at this age...I suppose I could bust butt...and work on myself more...so that I look younger...But then...isn't that saying that I am old? Isn't that me...giving in?...I don't like it...
Here's the deal...I don't mind getting older...I like that...I enjoy aging...I've earned these years...but I am highly resistant to the idea of considering myself old...because I'm not...not in my mind...not in my body...not in my energy...not in my ideas...not in my dreams...Doesn't that count for something?...I believe it does...It really is in your mind...youth or agedness...I choose youth forever...you belly laugh more...you let your hair down...you can feel the wind...and enjoy it...So...I've chosen my acronym...I worked in prisons...I've earned this...I'm down with being respected...without being an Old Gal...
Make way for the OG...Original Gangsta'...
I prefer HOG - Highly Original Gangsta'
ReplyDeleteBut, since you're now in the deep south, a hog conjurs up a whole 'nother picture I suppose... Why give anyone a moniker to hang on you? Keep 'em guessing...or judging...or whatever it is they do to entertain themselves...and keep on being your wonderful self. :D pf
I was the oldest woman at Institute a couple of years ago. You will find your way. Your way will be a little different from the 20-somethings. My daughter graduated from college after my first year so she was the same age as my colabs. I have friends that will be my friend forever even with a couple of decades (or more) between us. I also have friends outside of TFA that are closer to my age. It took a little while because I was so busy but it was worth it. I'm entering my third year teaching here in the Delta and I'm still thrilled and proud to be doing this second career stuff and my new life. Enjoy your last couple days of Institute and get ready to experience a life-changing event unlike any other.
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