A-Head of the Pride...

With a few hours of nothing in particular to do...and high speed internet...combined with the Discovery Channel page...I found myself digging deep...into the world of lions...Please don't try to understand my reasoning...it just happened...sort of like YouTube happens...you just lose time...

As a lifelong cat lover...anyone who knows me well would agree...intertwined with the fact that I have always prided myself on the amount of useless knowledge I have...I focused on these great beasts...but...only a few moments of research...opened my eyes to all that I didn't know...which happened to be a lot...

Lions are very social animals...sharing the responsibilities...all of them...even the leader...from hunting...to rearing young...They..seemingly...have no time for this is mine...and that's yours...humbly working together...to care...in cooperation...in ruling...for they find that working alone...well...leads to danger and death...and...although the cats don't live forever...the group lasts for an extremely long time...Ironically...their group unit is called...a pride...

I started thinking...about...not just the past two years...but...my entire life...I have traveled in groups...I have helped others...and I've helped myself...as an island...unto myself...quite sure that I needed no one...
I can't remember that last time...in my life...that I have not contemplated my motivations...even when I was lying to myself...and I have made it through a lot...I became a lone machine...capable of breaking through walls...belief systems...glass ceilings...and two years ago...I decided that I would bring my greatness...to another part of the country...

I was proud to live simplified...but then...I just couldn't let this go...or let that lay...I was extremely confident...that I had my fingers...on the pulse...of forward movement...of success...and I hunted for opportunities...to do what I do best...and roar...for those that couldn't roar for themselves...What I discovered...was that most of my moments here...have been filled with dangers...I have faced my mortality...more than I believed possible...I also discovered...there were so many ways...to hit rock bottom...and my eyes were opened to what I didn't know...which happened to be a lot...

All the while I was struggling...my inner pride...kept me from admitting...that I couldn't do more here...that I was often...not wanted...that it didn't matter who I thought I was...the only thing I have control over...is me...and yet I sat...head in my hands...staring at the ground...refusing to look to my past...for the good...wonderful things that I had...and...the possibility...that I already had a home...before I went...deep... into the jungle...searching for a new one...

Maybe sometimes...it takes hitting the rock bottom...beneath the rock bottom...to truly humble us...we are so proud...of being proud...that our pride...won't let us...see what is all around us...You think you are humble...sleeping on an air mattress...close to the earth...until the air escapes...and you find yourself...on the earth...until you have sold everything...that you believed to be valuable...and you are alone...while you are doing this...so full of yourself...that there is no room for help...and cooperation...and the only way out is...on your knees...crawling...forgetting all your awards...that diploma...the image you created...and that you are a survivor...because none of those things landed...in your hands...without others...back when you thought you were king of the jungle...and that your roar...could make things happen...

And so...I finally looked behind me...for all the right reasons...and there is that door...wide open...it had never closed...it was the draft that I kept feeling at my back...when I could never feel warmth...in 100 degree temperatures...and 100 percent humidity...and...although...I did make a difference...just by trying...by setting things in motion...I'm not convinced...that there is any worth...in traveling alone...and now that I understand what it means to work without others...I want to be a part...just a part...of something good...working in cooperation toward the greatness of another entity...and trading my simplified life...for just...simple...With this being said...I turn...and face west...I am headed home...now that I am truly...

a-head of the pride...