Cat Whisperers.....

For years, I have apologized for having cats...there is always someone that hates them...cats...someone that thinks they are disgusting or stupid or that I'm a "crazy cat lady."  Truthfully, I been a bit of a "cat whisperer", most of my life.  Every time I have been struggling through a challenging part of my life, a cat or kitten has arrived at my life's doorstep.

The first time a cat arrived, I was ten and the abuse in my household had reached a pinnacle of pain...and I decided that it would be better to die than live through this.  I didn't know what suicide was, but children do understand what escape means.  I had decided one night, as I lay on my cot, that I was going to figure out how to die.  The next morning a black and white stood on my doorstep...covered in blood bloated ticks.

I had seen my mom remove a tick from my sister with a match and tweezers...and, so, I copied what I had seen.  This cat laid on the couch as I burned it's fur and pinched it with tweezers...sweat on my upper lip...rubbing my eyes...one...two...twenty...each tick dropped in a bowl...blood everywhere...and it whispered a purr and closed its eyes.  With each tick, I thought less of myself and more about "saving" this animal.  When I was done, it stood up and walked to the door.  The next day it was on the front step again....new ticks in tow.  Each week was filled with daily visits...and each day I saved it's life by removing the parasitic entities that were draining it's life away.  As I made it through this first dark period in my life, the cat came less and less...until one day she came to door one last time...no ticks...rubbed against my chubby 10 year old legs and slipped away.

As the years past, I have struggled with extreme loneliness....abandoned by my self esteem, and...at my darkest moment...a cat would arrive...miraculously...and would need me to save it.  I would care for it lovingly and whisper that all would be okay...that I was here and would take care of everything.

The last cat came to me as a kitten....during a very difficult time... and arrived the night my ex told me that he wasn't ready for children.  Our marriage was already dust and I asked him what I was supposed to do while he was deciding if he would ever want children.  My Lacey...a tiny hint of the grown cat she would become...raced from a tuft of tall grass and proceeded to follow us for two miles...as we walked...trying to piece together what was left of a dead relationship.  Over the months that followed, she made me forget that my heart was already broken...and was my greatest comfort when my best friend died that Christmas and he walked out for my birthday that followed.

I have a lifetime of stories of felines that I saved, and as I lay on the couch today...Stan and Lacey curled up next to me...pressed against my body...purring quietly...I thought to myself how simply they love me.  I can be anything I want to be...I can be in my pajamas at four in the afternoon...no makeup....chocolate in the corner of my mouth....rubber bands on my braces...unshaven legs....and none of that is of any importance to them...They accept me...They only want to be with me...to love me...and let me love them.  They do what they want and so do I....and it's okay...

They know when they don't like someone and are unapologetic for walking away....They know when someone has a good heart and they unabashedly love on them for oozing kindness...They judge carefully who they will let into their lives...yet, will drop and roll in the dirt...relishing the pleasure of living, at a moments notice.  And, when I cry...they hover and lick my face...they aren't uncomfortable or embarrassed...they know it's okay to cry...it's not the end of the world and it will pass...Then we three fall asleep together as their purring fills the room like tender loving whispers ...a tiny, warm community of support...

I'd like to say that they have all...all those cats...needed me more than I needed them...but that would be a lie...and anyone who has really experienced the love of another animal sees the truth in this...I'm fragile and flawed compared to their self-reliance...empathy...unapologetic intuition and their ability to live life...just live it...not plan it and appreciate every moment for what it is and then let it go, when it's over...

I would like to believe that I draw these animals to me...to care for them...to love them...to save them...but, that's a lie too...they care for me...they love me more than I'm capable of loving...and...they've saved me...my whole life...they are the cat whisperers....